I Watched My Sister Fade Away

My beloved older sister Margie passed away in 1991 after a twenty-year battle with anorexia and bulimia. The tragic illness robbed beautiful Margie of her life, dreams, and me of a cherished sister whom I idolized, my best friend and confidante. A permanent void in my life, a part of me gone. After decades, I want to share the experience, because the illness is receiving more press today. I hope to show compassion not only for those suffering with anorexia, but the siblings whose lives are deeply affected.

At age fourteen, elated when Margie arrived to meet me at the bus from my return from overnight camp. This marked the sixth summer. Margie and I were apart for eight weeks. The second I saw Margie, I witnessed sixteen-year-old Margie, not the same Margie. Her perfect five-foot body figure who wore bikinis, not needing to lose weight, the opposite of me who struggled with weight, thinner. Little did I know, this day marked the beginning of tumultuous, courageous, and heroic, twenty-year battle with anorexia/bulimia Margie fought to the bitter end.

The illness took over Margie, every fiber of our family, never knowing when a crisis would occur, perpetually walking on eggshells. Despite it all Margie pieces of remained able to read me better than anyone else, hearing how I felt by the tone in my voice. Although many times I became angry at her for ruining special occasions for me or because my parents ran to take care of constant crises, I became frustrated when the illness allowed her to function for a while, and became hopeful well Margie coming back to me, only to be disappointed. I felt guilty for not having the capacity to be supportive and moved away to separate myself from the horrible pain and anguish I knew this illness brought to me and the entire family.

Angry at the illness that chipped away a piece of Margie every day. I wanted my old Margie back and couldn’t or wouldn’t accept the newer version, powerless to help Margie.

My life took a backseat. Intellectually I knew Margie needed to be the center focus, And fortunate not to endure Margie’s pain and struggles. No one inquired about my well-being, and we became the targets of gossip, forced to keep secrets because mental illness taboo and not discussed. I shut down and drew inward. In my teens, visiting my sister in a mental institution did not seem real, a harrowing experience, one my peers would ever comprehend, nor did I ever divulge.

I wanted Margie to be remembered for Margie. I did not want Margie to be defined by the illness. Distressed when the Rabbi’s eulogy focused on the eating disorder, not Margie as a person–her vivaciousness’, wide smile, goodness, generosity, helping others, creativity as a poet, intellect, talented guitarist, cheerleader, and figure skater. Yes, she had her flaws, like we all do - her constant chatter embarrassed me, the outbursts, but boy could Margie make me laugh. I envied her beauty, unique style, the famous white go go boots, and the way she applied black eyeliner with precision, and every day when I apply black eyeliner, not as precise as my Margie’s, I think of her. 

Margie, I miss you each day, right Rho, and you say, okay Bren from the Mary Tyler Moore Show, or saying Lipson let’s go, and I jumped to rearrange your room for the one hundredth time. Your legacy lives on in our precious Madelyn named for you who shares your beautiful smile. I will always love you.

Kym Advocates provides a wonderful resource for siblings of eating disorders. For more information, please visit: https://kymadvocates.com

To honor Margie, The Lipson Fund: 
​https://because.massgeneral.org/campaign/celebration-of-sisters/c137087

Which supports The Massachusetts Eating Disorders and Clinical Research Program,
https://www.massgeneral.org/psychiatry/treatments-and-services/eating-disorders-clinical-and-research-program