I reflect on the past year, many changes, and challenges in the world, I witness the strain on my daughters and son-in laws raising children trying to juggle family, work, and anxious about national and world events that never entered my radar when raising my two daughters.
Fortunate at age sixty-seven to be afforded opportunities I never could have imagined or dreamed–to be called an author, speaker, figure skater, besides my proudest roles as mother and grandmother aka “Nini.” I find myself conflicted with the roles and the changing times, staying true to myself, needing to embrace the speed of technology, and seems like time is racing by and I want it to slow down. Never a fan of technology, not wired for technology, struggle with the nuances of technology, I prefer interpersonal communication. What happened to a human conversation or a telephone call? I can’t feel the pulse of friends through a text or email. In their voice or in person I hear or see their true feelings and see the emotions in their eyes. The subject of my memoir is grief, a difficult topic for folks to talk about. If individuals meet me in person, hear me speak, then they understand, and many can relate on some level and share, contemplate on their own sister or sibling relationships. Another avenue I feel comfortable to communicate is through writing, a blog, a newsletter, an essay. I am leery posting about myself, being the center focus, a private person. The need to step out of my comfort zone, and readers wanting to know about me. The process is slow, developing, learning a new skill with encouragement and support of many. Charting a fresh course, defining a new me, exciting, exhilarating, daunting, and empowering. The old question, what do I want to be when I grow up? A time to grow and learn. I hope over the Christmas break to pause and rethink my goals, personally and professionally, not resolutions. I hope to develop a system to plan better, schedule into an unscheduled life. Give myself grace and loosen up the expectations. Make a system of some checks and balances and now that COVID has exited our lives explore more traveling. To all have been with since the journey began in 2011 my deepest gratitude. For those prior, those whom I met in recent years, you are all a gift. I would not be where I am today. Family, friends, colleagues, you collectively shape who I am today. Wishing you and yours Happy Holidays and I hope the New Year will bring everyone peace, and time to enjoy precious gifts from them, and compassion for others.
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For the first time in twelve years, November will be void of the Celebration of Sisters skating event to honor the lives and memories of my beloved sisters Margie and Jane. The month of their birthdays and the anniversary of Jane’s death. How do I feel this month? Good question. The answer is I don’t know.
I fear I have been so busy as no time to think or allow myself which may be good or fall back into the old pattern of suppressing my emotions. Because of a broken foot, grandchildren, speaking engagements, I would not have had the time required to produce Celebration of Sisters. Thankfully, the event had mushroomed into something that required a year’s work of preparation. I am grateful for the beautiful memories and am thinking of bringing back in a few years to celebrate my seventieth birthday. To channel my focus, I am attending skating camp the first few days of November. I think inwardly my body is feeling the emotions. I am tired and my stomach is telling me I am missing Margie and Jane. I am being pulled in too many directions to have time to remember the birthdays that are around the corner. In some ways I can’t wrap my head around the years. Jane will be gone for forty-two years on November seventh. She lived for twenty-two years. Next year the two will celebrate milestone birthdays–sixty-five and seventy. I am getting ahead of myself. As I look at my grandchildren, I see pieces of Margie and Jane. What they are missing watching these three dolls and my lack of sharing them with my sisters. Writing this, the tears are streaming down my cheeks. Jane and I shared a room until I was fourteen. I wish we didn’t move and went into our own silos. The closeness I felt knowing she was sleeping in the bed next to me always comforting, and I took the role of big sister seriously. Our relationship faltered because of our opposite personalities, but the immense sisterly love shone through. Unfortunately, we never had the chance to develop a bond as adults. Jane would have been a great nursery schoolteacher. I wish she believed in herself. Margie suffered with her demons but had immense courage. Despite it all she could always read me and knew me better than I knew myself. Smart as a whip she could have done anything she wanted to, but the illness robbed her of the opportunities. We had our moments too, as sisters do, but always came back to one another closer than ever. I remember the three of us getting dressed up to go into downtown Boston into Stella’s an Italian restaurant in North End. Looking at the pictures, I must laugh. They bundled us up with puffy winter coats, not wearing tights, but lacey white ankle socks and black patent leather shoes. Weren’t our legs freezing? I don’t recall. Our birthday parties celebrated in our basement with a long, rectangular table. The birthday girl at the head of the table, eating cake and the Hoodsie with the small wooden spoon all smiles surrounded by friends. On November sixth and November eighth to wish Jane and Margie a Happy Birthday, I will eat a cupcake and Hoodsie, and look at the old photos. There will be a hole in my heart, but know my sisters are forever beside me. |
AuthorJudy Lipson, is the Founder of Celebration of Sisters, an ice skating fundraiser established in 2011 to commemorate the memories of her beloved sisters to benefit Massachusetts General Hospital. Judy has published articles for The Open to Hope Foundation and The Centering Organization. Massachusetts General Hospital and SKATING Magazine featured numerous pieces on Judy’s philanthropic work. Judy appeared as a guest on The Open To Hope and The Morning Glory Podcasts. Her passion for figure skating secured the recipient of U.S. Figure Skating Association 2020 Get Up Award. Judy’s memoir, Celebration of Sisters: It Is Never Too Late To Grieve, released December 2021 by WriteLife Publishing. Archives
February 2025
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