Fall is here and thus beginning my challenging time of year–the Jewish holidays, my birthday, Margie and Jane’s birthdays, the anniversary of Jane, and for the first time in over a decade the void of the Celebration of Sisters annual ice-skating fundraiser.
August first marked thirty-three years since Margie is gone, and this year I felt the pain deeper probably because of the recent birth of granddaughter Madelyn named for Margie, speaking at The Bereaved Parents USA Conference, and sometimes there is no rhyme or reason. The difference is that this year I went with the flow, did not fight, or squash the feelings, allowed myself to cry. I sat outside on my terrace and in a memory box created for Margie and Jane; I flipped through pictures of Margie to discover an old black-and-white photo on her fourth birthday all smiles sitting at the head of a long table surrounded by friends. The vivid resemblance to my grandson Benji shocked me. The legacies of Jane and Margie live on.
The keynote speech at the BPUSA transformed me like a butterfly. Overwhelmed by the response, how the shy middle sister stood strong in front of a crowd and shared the story of the loss of two sisters. I found my voice. For the first time in over forty years to receive the validation of sibling loss.
I met wonderful individuals with whom I shared insightful, heart wrenched, and fun conversations. We laughed, cried, and some who met me for the first time and seen me on Zoom commented, “I thought you were taller,” as they looked at my five-foot stature. I came home with a renewed attitude and focus of what goals I want to achieve from now on, and revelations about who I am, that somehow got forgotten throughout the grieving process and taking care of everyone else.
This time of year, traditionally I have the focus of Celebration of Sisters, and muddle through Yom Kippur and avoid the Yizkor Memorial Service. My plan is to spend time with my three grandchildren under four, family, get myself back on an exercise routine now that the broken foot is healed, return to skating three times a week, work on writing book number two, and help others in their grief as they take their journey in whatever time works for them.
Please join me and three other esteemed grief experts on Thursday, September 28th hosted by Reimagine, and ForGrief, Allison Gilbert.
Passed and Present: Navigating Anxiety, Depression, and Guilt After Loss
Join this special three-part Passed and Present series focused on self-care before and after loss. Passed and Present features author Allison Gilbert and other distinguished voices in the grief and bereavement space.
This month, our esteemed panel of leading grief professionals will reveal strategies for managing anxiety, depression, and guilt surrounding the loss of a loved one. You are invited to attend one or all three sessions. (The next two sessions are scheduled for Thursday, October 26 and Thursday, November 16.) Everyone is welcome and there is no cost to attend.
Please take a listen to my keynote speech from The Bereaved Parents USA Conference. I ended the presentation with the song from Rent, “Seasons of Love,” please find the links below.
Judy’s speech
Seasons of Love
L’Shana Tova, wishing those who observe, a sweet, happy, and peaceful New Year.
To order your copy of Celebration of Sisters: It Is Never Too Late To Grieve, available on audio, please visit www.judylipson.org
I leave you with the following by Lewis Carroll
“In the garden of memory, in the palace of dreams…that is where you and I shall meet.”
Book Corner
Four Corners is a book not only for siblings but also those who are grieving a loss, supporting someone who is grieving, and for anyone looking for a compassionate approach to living alongside pain while still finding joy in life.
Memory
Margie, Judy, and Jane shared a love of swimming. Margie and Jane made a chair with their arms and carried Jane, the youngest around the pool. The love, smiles and closeness clear from the three sisters.
Skating
Two memories from Celebration of Sisters when the event fell on Jane and Margie’s birthdays. I had the event in November to channel the hard month–Jane’s birthday is November sixth; she died on the seventh, and Margie’s birthday is the eight. In the trio, for Jane’s birthday we skated to Beautiful by Carole King.
Little did I know that both my beautiful sisters were Carole King fans. Do you like the scarves in the photo? We represented the mood of the sixties skating to Downtown, on Margie’s birthday a song she played on the guitar.
My heart is full of the birth of grandchild number three born on June ninth. Madelyn, named for sister Margie. A new bundle of love, life, and joy will carry on the best of Margie. Margie’s goodness, smile, laughter, and spark, and not the challenges she suffered. I can’t wait to share Margie with Madelyn.
The tears have been overflowing. My daughter Janie is named for my sister Jane. Both my sisters have a legacy to be remembered. Where there is grief there is love, where there is joy there is love.
Due to the birth of grandchild number three, preparation for the honor to be chosen as the keynote speaker at The Bereaved Parents USA Conference in July, recording podcasts, and writing book number two, I felt like I have been cramming for finals. I am grateful for the opportunities afforded me.
I am honored to have been selected as a speaker for the new For Grief Speakers Bureau! This speakers’ bureau is a wonderful resource focused solely on connecting community organizations, book clubs, and businesses with leading grief professionals from around the world.
The group of talented speakers share their expertise and compassion on grief. My goal is to share my knowledge on sibling loss and prolonged grief. There is hope and I hope that no one be alone in their grief.
Sharing my story after decades of squashing my emotions, proved to be more draining than I expected. This continues to part of my grieving journey. Grief does not define me but is part of me. The difference today is recognizing the impact of grief, and allowing myself to feel the emotions, taking the time I need to have a quiet day, cry, or reflect and journal my feelings.
Here are the links to the podcasts who graciously hosted me as a guest:
Wishing all the fathers, grandfathers, and great grandfathers a Happy Father’s Day. I want to send compassion to fathers who have lost a child or children, and children who have lost a father. Please know our hearts and thoughts are with you. https://www.opentohope.com/fathers-death-triggers-grief-of-sibling-loss/
To order your copy of Celebration of Sisters: It Is Never Too Late To Grieve, available on audio, please visit www.judylipson.org
I leave you with the following by Rumi:
“Be grateful for your life, every detail of it, and your face will come to shine like a sun, and everyone who sees it will be made glad and peaceful. Persist in gratitude, and you will slowly become one with the Sun of Love, and Love will shine through you its all-healing joy.”
Book Corner
A wonderful resource for anyone who as has suffered a loss. As the title states, “Keeping memories of loved ones alive.”
Allison provides many suggestions from wearing jewelry, to the use of technology to recall and preserve photographs, and to forget-me-nots not solely reserved for holidays. “Death doesn’t end our desire to have a relationship with our loved one.” Included in Passed and Present is a monthly guide and places to go to fill us with beautiful and special opportunities to remember our loved ones.
Memory
The Director announced, “The Lipson sisters will now sing “Side By Side.” Wearing matching denim sundresses, we marched in a line to the stage to perform at day camp. Margie stood in the center nearest to the microphone, flanked by Jane and me.
Skating
“We're your dreamgirls, dreamgirls will never leave you
(Never never never never never leave you)
All you got to do is dream”
We had the time of our lives performing in The Skating Club of Boston Ice Chips 2017. I’m sure you agree the costumes are stunning and admired by the entire cast.
To perform with fellow adult skaters, something I could never have imagined! The broad smiles say it all.
The clocks go forward welcoming Spring with flowers blooming, the freedom of walking out the door without a coat and taking long walks in the warm sunshine. I wish you all an early Happy Easter or Happy Passover. Please know that my thoughts are with you cognizant that holidays can be joyous, sorrowful, or bittersweet.
After four months of recovering from a broken foot, I have returned to ice skating, to a sport that is my passion, joy, peace, and connection to my beloved sisters. I stepped on the ice, a huge smile, pushed one foot, then the other, glided on the beautiful slick surface, felt the breeze through my hair, and off I went. Surprised by my agility, albeit slow, I stayed a short time. Encouraged by my fellow adult skaters, I was back home on the ice. Not wanting to leave, I knew it was wise and took the process step by step. The uplifting feeling cemented back in my soul.
Four months is not long, but for me, skating is such an important part of my life on so many levels. Ice skating provided the piece to share my sisters with others that forbade me to do for years. Celebration of Sisters, the ice-skating fundraiser, offered the backdrop to envelop my sisters back into my life, complete and continue my journey of comfort, and continue my circles of comfort.
As I step onto the ice, it is like magic from the show Aladdin, “A Whole New World,” shared by my sisters and me. My happy place, my sanctuary, my safe place. Ice skating afforded a theme throughout my life. Wherever I seemed to be in my life, ice-skating fed the central line. Ice skating is the connection, the chord, and the strings that bind me to my sisters. The smooth, shining ice is a mirror to look in and vividly see my sisters and me.
Through Celebration of Sisters: It Is Never Too Late To Grieve, I have been fortunate to meet wonderful individuals. On April fifth, my beloved father’s birthday, I am honored to be a guest on The Surviving Siblings Podcast with the lovely Maya Roffler who bravely shares the loss of her brother in Season 1. In Season 2 and 3, Maya invites guests to share their stories and starts heartfelt and thoughtful conversations to show compassion for others dealing with grief.
I am grateful for my growing family. New life, new joy, new loves. With this comes mixed emotions. There will always be a hole in my heart, missing my beloved sisters Margie and Jane, wishing they were by my side to witness the milestones with me void of nieces and nephews. The difference today from decades ago, is allowing myself to feel the emotions and share my feelings. If I did not love so deeply, I would not hurt so deeply. If I did not love so deeply, I would not burst with joy.
To order your copy, now available on audio, please visit www.judylipson.org
I leave you with the following piece from Elizabeth Bishop:
“All of our dreams will be clearer than glass.
Clad in the water or sun, as you wish,
We will watch the white feet of the young morning pass
And dine upon honey and small shiny fish.”
Book Corner
Dawn DiRaimondo’s, Surviving Sibling Loss: The Invisible Thread That Connects Us Through Life and Death, is a beautifully heartfelt crafted memoir. Dawn shares the loss of her beloved brother and interviewed other bereaved siblings with thoughtful questions. A resource for any bereaved sibling at any stage of their grieving process. To quote Dawn,
“I will also use the bereaver and not bereaved because bereaved implied that the bereavement is in the past tense, and, as I will describe more in this book, sibling loss is a loss someone lives with throughout their lives.”
Memory
I pick up a black and white photo torn at the edges, the others white scalloped. Dressed up in our party dresses, Margie age nine, me seven and Jane four. We wore white lace ankle socks, black patent leather Mary Janes, and puffy winter coats off we went. Arriving at the Boston Common to feed the pigeons peanuts chasing after them. Margie gregariously runs after the birds with her peanuts, I stand back a bit contemplative not quite sure what to do, and Jane carefree skips around throwing her peanuts to the birds. A black and white photo captures the personality of the Lipson sisters.
Skating
Randy Gardner is a pairs U.S. and World figure skating champion, an Olympian, with his partner Tai Babilonia. Their heartbreaking withdrawal from the 1980 Olympic Winter Games made public, yet few knew of Randy’s private life. Randy bravely shares his life on and off the ice in a documentary film titled Go Figure: The Randy Gardner Story.
I had the pleasure of meeting Randy in 2011 at the Dorothy Hamill Adult Figure Skating Fantasy Camp.
He is kind, humble, generous, and his continued love of the sport of figure skating shines. Randy continues to give back to the sport on and off the ice.
Happy One Year Celebration of Sisters: It Is Never Too Late To Grieve! I am thankful to my team of coaches, editors, family, friends, and WriteLife Publishing for solidifying the manuscript to publication.
I decided to proceed with another year of the Celebration of Sisters ice skating fundraiser in a slightly different format. After a decade and a year, 2022 marked the true finale of the special event to commemorate the lives and memories of my cherished sisters Margie and Jane raising over $80 for Mass General Hospital Internal Medicine and Eating Disorder Departments. I am forever grateful to the generosity, kindness, and devotion of many – my heart is full. Stay tuned for the next chapter.
This past year I have had the honor and pleasure of meeting new people, been more open in sharing myself and my sisters with others and felt the warmth and compassion of other bereaved siblings with whom I felt surrounded like a warm blanket.
We have more work to do to advocate for bereaved siblings, often the forgotten mourners. The needle has been moved since I lost my sisters 41 and 32 years ago respectively and for that I am thankful and indebted to all who work to make it happen. To name a few organizations for sibling support: The Compassionate Friends Sibs, Open To Hope, Bereaved Parents USA, COPE Foundation, and Grief Tool Box. In addition, some of the wonderful Podcasts include Where’s The Grief, Surviving Sibling Loss, L.E.A.P., The Surviving Siblings, and Good Grief.
One week after the finale of Celebration of Sisters, I fell and broke my right foot. Thankfully I have the unconditional love and support of my family and friends and rocking the crutches due to my skating training. I will use the time to work on my second book, catch up on my reading, and plan book events for year two of Celebration of Sisters: It Is Never Too Late To Grieve. My grandson had a ball with my scooter that has been a game changer getting around. The goal for the three-month recovery is the arrival of my second grandchild due mid-January.
On a final note, I am honored to be selected as one of the keynote speakers at the Bereaved Parents USA Conference in July 2023.
I wish you all a Happy, Healthy and Peaceful New Year!
To order your copy, now available on audio, please visit www.judylipson.org
I leave you with the following by Emily Dickinson:
“Hope” is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all –“
Book Corner
Susan Casey lost her brother Brian, Rocky and has written a powerful book in Rock On: Mining For Joy In The Deep River Of Sibling Grief. Thank you, Susan, for sharing Rocky and other sibling’s experiences. There are so many nuggets Susan eloquently writes that resonated with me, made me think, and warmed my heart. I will point out a few and I encourage you to read the book.
“Grief and joy are wedded, they are one….One is more predominant than the other at any given time, depending on which one we shine our light on.”
“Our siblings have a critical impact on shaping who we become…”
‘If not us, who? If not now, when?”
Memory
With three daughters, our father attempted to teach us how to play baseball. With one bat, one glove, the swing set served as first base, the trees second, the bulkhead third, and a makeshift home plate. The ball pitched by our father directing Margie, Judy, and Jane to run the bases. I don’t think we were going to The World Series!
Skating
The growing number of Adult skaters is wonderful! Opportunities from the multiple disciplines of skating, camps, comradery, support, and health benefits immeasurable. To learn more about adult skating, the following Facebook groups keep you connected with fellow skaters:
Welcome to the premiere of the Celebration of Sisters newsletter! I want to thank you for your support and generosity in sharing the journey to write Celebration of Sisters: It Is Never Too Late To Grieve, and a decade of the Celebration of Sisters ice-skating fundraiser to honor the lives and memories of my beloved sisters, Margie and Jane Lipson.
On November 7, 2021, we gathered for the grand finale of Celebration of Sisters. In my blue dress adorned with silver sparkles, I stood center ice waiting for the music of Edelweiss, a rendition by Andre Rieu to commence. The nerves that traditionally overtook me, were not present, I felt uncharacteristically calm. The lovely music allowed me to float across the ice, the wind blew in my hair, and joy was evident in my wide happy eyes.
At sixty-five I was living the dream and beaming to have skated the performance of my life to honor Margie and Jane. The love and support from all the donors, skaters, and champions of the event for the past decade exuberated from the entire arena and from those watching the live stream. I stepped off the ice and broke into sobs and needed to take in the emotions of the day- the fortieth anniversary of the loss of Jane, a decade of paying tribute to my cherished sisters, and the kindness of numerous special individuals. Hugged by many, I smiled and relished the rest of the magical day.
One month later, on December 1, 2021, Celebration of Sisters: It Is Never Too Late To Grieve was released. Am I dreaming? My private story kept to the vest for decades now out for the masses. Writing my memoir has allowed me to be more open and have honest conversations with individuals who have read the book, and with friends new and old, establish a new connection and reveal deep meaningful stories never shared. The themes of the book from grief, love, sibling relationships, and secrets seem to resonate across many lives. I had put up so many walls unable to talk about the loss of my sisters or grief. Today, I am capable to open the dialogue. It is never too late to grieve. To order your copy, now available on audio, please visit www.judylipson.org
I leave you with the following quote by Thornton Wilder
“There is a land of the living and a land of the dead and the bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning.
Book Corner
For years I was alone in my grief. Thankfully today there are many groups and support for bereaved siblings like The Compassionate Friends, The Open To Hope Foundation, and The Cope Foundation. Monthly, I attend a Sibling Grief Book Club. One book I particularly liked, Dear Edward by Ann Napolitano tells the story of a young boy, the sole survivor of a plane crash who goes to live with his aunt and uncle. There is a parallel story to the lives of the individuals on the plane. Ann tackles the grief of the young boy and his aunt and uncle with grace and dignity.
Memory
Fearful, that after years of suppressing my grief, memories had been lost, I realize that is a falsehood. Please allow me to share my beautiful sisters Margie and Jane with you.
Music was an integral part of our lives and as girls, we went to see many musicals. Our favorite was The Sound of Music. Before attending each show, our mother would play the 33 record and have us listen to songs multiple times and in the car sing the songs. Margie wanted to be Liesl, me Marta, and Jane Gretl.
Skating
Figure skating is my passion, my joy, and the connection to my sisters in a sport we shared as girls. I have started to work on figures, tracking the lines repeatedly on the ice. I find figures very soothing and challenging. It requires discipline, good edge quality, and control of your body. Back to basics!
Philanthropy was part of my upbringing. We were taught to give back to various charitable organizations. U.S. Figure Skating’s We Get Up platform recognizes that in life on and off the ice, when you fall, you get up.
The Get Up® campaign was launched by U.S. Figure Skating in 2017 to help skaters and non-skaters alike to recognize the grit, passion, and perseverance needed to Get Up in the rink and in life every day.
The campaign is a celebration of the strength, resilience, and determination it takes to be a figure skater. Our goal is to attract new skaters to the sport, grow our fan base and empower our members to take pride in who they are as figure skaters while making a positive difference in their communities. https://www.usfigureskating.org/wegetup
